Sunday, August 26, 2007

(08.26.07) Recommends:

Kitchen Clam Bake!

What better way to get the taste out of my mouth from yesterday's unmitigated disaster then to have a tasty dinner. The Food Network has been hyping the Clam Bake lately, so we turned to everybody's favorite secret crush, Rachael Ray, for a recipe. We modified things a bit here and there, but still hope we did Ra Ra proud.

First up, a 16-quart stock pot:

Then, a little of Ra Ra's favorite magic sauce:

What goes well with a big pot and oil? If you said, "plate full of andouille and kielbasa," congratulations, you are correct:

Potatoes, in the hashed manner. This was the most questionable move of the evening, and I take full responsibility. Ra Ra (stop shaking your head out there; my use of this nickname should not make you nervous and/or sad) called for a "16-ounce bag frozen diced hash browns." But it's unclear whether this is what she had in mind:

One large onion, chopped:

Action Shot!

What form! What fingers! Have you ever seen 4 ribs celery, chopped, with such finesse? No, the answer to that question is no.

Seems like a good point to start filling up that big pot:

Stirring occasionally the potatoes, onions, celery, bay leaf, salt and pepper and:

Thyme. We've only just begun, but it's already starting to look like Grandma's Famous Slaw:

Now that you mention slaw, next up is four ears of corn, complete with caterpillar. No really, that little curled up booger you see right below the tip of the earn of corn isn't a booger after all. It is a caterpillar. Now that's organic!

Action Shot!

When I spy caterpillars in my corn I act swiftly and without mercy. No, No, I'm not a hand model. Yes, yes, I know it's a waste of god-given talent that I'm not.

How do you like me now:

Note: The next picture is probably NSFW, so scroll accordingly.

Naked shrimp:

Now all dressed up, but only one place to go:

Action Shot! with chicken stock:

Action Shot! with tomatoes:

Action Shot! with salt:

Note to self: no bearded clam jokes, no bearded clam jokes, no bearded clam jokes...

Mixing muscles and clams:

No need resorting to 16-year old humor when you've got this staring back at you:

Wait, it gets better:

Put the top on and wait about ten minutes. Take the top off, and through the fog we get...

...Jackpot! Good golly, that is a serious pot of food:

Add some hot sauce to taste:

And you're left with a bowl of nearly unbearably awesome goodness:

No need to risk playing Scrabble on an empty stomach:

14.7 seconds later:

Discarded shells in the foreground. "Goonies" in the background. How long can the good life last?

Well, through the magic of refrigeration, I'm willing to bet that the good life can last a few more days:

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